12:37 MT (-7:00 GMT) My buddies and I are just settling up our lunch bill at our favourite sushi place. As we walk towards the till I see a joyful asian approaching the double glass doors, not uncommon for a japanese restaurant. I look closer, turn my back to the door and warn my buddy Nathan "Oh my god, it's Fang"
"Don't turn around....don't turn around......(long pause). Okay you're good"
While my back was turned Fang stood on the other side of the door waiving trying to get my other buddy to tap me on the shoulder.

I really wanted to engage in conversation since I was surrounded by a crew of 6ft+ dudes, and it would have been most entertaining for them to see "The P. Eng" in action, but again it would hurt the restraining order case I'm inevitably going to have to file.

I love Sardines in tomato sauce. When I bring them to work I usually get excited about it and eat them around 10, then regret it for the rest of the day because my work space smells like sardines.

Last night the cleaning staff emptied my garbage but did not replace the bag. I don't blame them, all I had in there was an empty can of sardines. But now my office smells like day-old sardines. yuck.

I Don't Belong in the Big City: Chapter 3

On the 1st of December I returned from lunch to the following e-mail titled "How's you lunch break".

----------------------------------------------------
"Anna,
so much to tell you about my progress to be ``the
P. Eng``,
my background is on the cover page and page A10 of
24th Feb. 2001 , Gazette, the Montreal newspaper,
there was my photo and story about me,
very pure and international,
I have been challenged to live a life of priest, as
some legend tells the a layman grown-up from a
Monastery would be a mighty one in his returning,
I think my future parents-in-law will like me as I
am, a layman grown-up from a Monastery, I used to
visit one in Montreal regularly.

..my parents are from big families where most of my
cousins are married ..
...very detailed, when i was interviewed then by the
news paper as a ‘cover boy’, why i came to Canada, I
answered that i appreciate today’s daughters of the
former followers of Christopher Columbus, and the
human resources in Canada as well, .....
actually, my dear Anna, we are the human resources of
Canada towards each other,...
.. .
Christopher Columbus had prayed to meet the real
Oriental (tried what Marko Polo had done, who had
traveled from far to bring back the Spagetti and
reformed Pizza from China to Italy, Marko Polo was
adopted as a son to the Emperor in China ),
Christopher Columbus hoped eventually to meet the
oriental once crossed over the Atlantic;
I (from the oriental Middle Kingdom between the
Heavens and the Earth) also to make it easier for
today’s followers of Christopher Columbus to meet my
family (mom is in Edmonton), maybe, the former
followers of Christopher Columbus wanted to be adopted
as parents-in-law here in north-America.

I thought it would be better to
.....answer the challenge from the
World, the socialist Quebec government also emphasis
the its own demographic inspiration ....
The hope, at least 1.3 billion people and their
spokesman hope my success when I became a Canadian
citizen, even officially they used to encourage me to
date late and to get married later and keep communist
ethics & chastity...., I succeeded,

APEGGA has a social club called Engineer’s wife club,
they meet regularly,
I asked them to help me to meet my future wife,
however, they did little.

I’ve been encouraged by the socialist Quebec
government and the Catholic Quebec people to find a
wife to get married to have child.
I am gentle even to our environment and try to recycle
in my everyday life.
I hope your parents like to be my prospective
parents-in-law,
That means I like to see the possibility to get
married with one of the daughters of your parents.

My workplace will have a Christmas party both tonight
and also 15th of Dec., I like to invite you to go with
me.
Please find the details.
Hope to hear from you soon.

Your engineer friend.
Fang.

Pager # ***-****
Work Ph. ***-****,
home ph: 403-BOB-READ(262-7323)
----------details
Christmas Party 1 will be as follows:
Friday, December 1, 2006
Semi-formal Dress
Radisson Hotel Calgary Airport
2120 – 16th Ave. N.E.
(403) ***-****

Cocktails: 5:30 p.m. – 6:30 p.m.
Buffet Dinner: 6:30 p.m. – 9:00 p.m.
JV Mgmt. Team Member Speeches and Employee of the
Month Award: 7:30 p.m. - 8:00 p.m.
Dance: 9:00 p.m. – 1:00 a.m.
Music provided by Danceland DJs
Door Prize Draws: Throughout the Evening

Upon your arrival, Attendance will be taken where you
will receive your Table Number Seating and Door Prize
Ticket (Please Note: You will be required to be
present for all door prizes).

Please Don’t Drink and Drive
Taxi vouchers will be available, if required, for your
transportation home. Please
---------------------------------
Christmas Party 2 will be as follows:
Friday, December 15th, 2006 at the Big-four building
at Stampede Park, Taxi vouchers will be available, if
required, for your transportation home. "
-------------------------------------------------------------


This is not a joke. If you don't believe me I can forward you the original e-mail, which I have kept for security reasons.

After recieving this e-mail I spoke to the IT guy and requested Fang's e-mail be blocked from out server. I then responded with:
"Fang,

Please do not contact me, phone, e-mail, or any other method, again.

Thank you,

Anna"

I have not heard from Fang since, and I no longer go for tea with strangers.

The End.

I Don't Belong in the Big City: Chapter 2

It is the 28th of October, a week after I declined his lunch invitations, I got a message on my phone.

"Hewo, Anna? Dis is Fang,

Today is Hawoween and ah...... people awe dressing up. There are parties today we can go to. If you like...... Uh. My Home Nummer is ###-#### you can call me.... Ah..... Also I have some recycling and cardboard we can take to de recycling centre.

[long pause]

Dis is Fang... alwight.... good bye"

I forgot that I had my cell phone number put on my business card. I very rarely give them out and I had never recieved work related calls on my phone. I made EVERYONE I know listen to this most hilarious message I had recieved.
After careful consideration I e-mailed Fang to let him know I did not have time in my schedule for any new friends. He replied "I will leave it to your discresion"

In the next 5 days I ran into Fang twice on the street. Both times from opposite directions, both times he stopped to talk to me, while we past I rambled about being late and kept walking at an aggressive pace.

Two weeks had passed without any phone or e-mail exchange. I thought my entertaining encounters with Fang had ended...

I Don't Belong in the Big City: Chapter 1

This fall I was waiting at a crosswalk on my way home from work. A guy walked past me and smiled with recognition. I have met a lot of people since I've moved to Calgary and was not sure if this guy was one of them. At first I ignored him and he walked across the street. I turned to get a second look, he caught me, stopped and waved. I was pretty sure I didn't know this guy. He was Chinease, wearing a ball cap and a navy trench coat with backpack. It was possible he was a friend of a friend I had met once or twice so I smiled politely. The walk-man turned and I scampered home.

Two weeks later I was walking a different route home with headphones in. Someone shouts at me 'Hey', 'hello!'. It is the mystery guy, (note: not cute). He seemed very focused at getting my attention so I took one of my earphones out. In broken english he tells me he's with the United way. He hands me a home-made business card with his name and e-mail. He asks me if I'm a student, "no" am I new to the city? I reply with a weary 'yes'. 'Oh,' he responds, 'there is the calgary tower. Do you want a tour of the city.' I tell him no thank you and really I have to get going. "Maybe you have time for a tea?" he pleads? I feel sorry for the guy and figure he is trying to recruit for the United Way, so I go.

We get to the closest second cup, he ends up ordering a glass of hot milk. We sit and he talks, I reveal nothing of myself. He nervously rambled about his family, nothing about the United Way at all. I quickly finish my tea and excuse myself. He gives me his business card, I was polite and gave him mine. He offers to walk me home, I decline.

The next morning he sends me this e-mail:

"Nice meeting you yesterday evening, Anna, How are you?
In our office, we recycle paper too.

this is Fang. "

We never talked about recycling. Later that day he sent me another e-mail, in french, telling me he is as "pure as the pope" and invited me to a lunch and learn at his office. During our 'cup of hot milk' I had told him I could not speak french, and don't I had to get a friend to translate. I respond to the e-mail telling him it is too short notice. Later that afternoon he invites me on Friday for another lunch and learn. I tell him I will be out of town and can not attend....

I love the weather in Calgary. -20 is refreshing crisp air that disguises the city's smog. When dressed appropriately the cold climate is enjoyable. So far I enjoy Calgary winters much better than that of Southwestern Ontario. The cold air in Ontario blows right thru you chilling you to the core.
I have really grown to love big city living. There are so many adventures right around the corner. Calgary has a series of small commercial centres in thier downtown communities with a large variety of restaurants and shops, although their fashion is a little conservative for my tastes.
Some major characteristics about Calgary I could do without. People's endless need to consume. I believe in taking what you need, allowing yourself luxuries, but not being excessive. There are 5 people in my office who drive F-350 diesel trucks to work, everyday. These men are not minorities. In a city where the entire economy depends on the price of oil Calgarians like to consume as much as possible, like it's their duty as an Albertan. Now, I am no economist, but this doesn't seem justified to me.

Sometimes being without the things I love is agony. I am lucky to feel so miserable.