I miss London. I day dream about it a lot. Although mostly I day dream about the Richmond St. - Victoria St intersection on a bright spring/summer day. There is a Colonial style white house with black shutters on the Southwest corner of the intersection. I'm riding in the passengers seat of the Taurus. Curtis is with me. We're not talking, just listening to music. I linger on this picture for a while and crave my old life.

I also think about leaving the Adelaide A&P. It's dark and the parking lot is almost empty. We're parked facing south in the second row. Curtis and I are leaving the grocery store with our arms full of groceries, laughing. This memory makes me cry. I think about it just enough to tear-up. I'm not sure if I'll be able to create memories like this one again.

I don't want to talk about it, I want to cry about it.

I ask myself, if I've truly made a mistake how far am I willing to go to correct it. The answer? Not far enough. Things are difficult for me right now. I'm trying to learn to adjust to the fact that there is not someone who will drop everything to make me smile. When I'm upset I can't talk with someone who can just sense it, I have to tell them how I'm feeling. Although right now there is no one I want to tell. I am sure I made the right decision, but it's not an easy one to make.

Today I am wearing pantyhose at work. I forgot how much I love them. This winter I'm going to rock the sweetess nylons; pinstrip, patterened, wool, I'm even going to try to swing a pair of fishnets. I love being sexy.

I don't feel the same today.

I just want to call him and tell him how I feel. I just want to go home. But I can't, I don't know if I will feel the same way tomorrow.

This week I have been feeling terribly homesick. At least that's how I would classify the feeling. It's really more of a "want to be surrounded by people who love me" sick. This can be related to home since there are 5 people who love me there. I believe the feeling is being brought about by me visit on the weekend. Being reminded how it feels to truly be cared for, then thrown back into a life where that is obviously not present. It's a sad day in Calgary for Anna Willemse.

It's official. As of Sunday night, October the 1st, I am the fastest skater on my ringette team. The good news? I'm coming off a 5 year competitive skating hiatus. I am only going to get faster. Nothing feels better than being the best.