I'm in love, I'm in love with people. Meeting new people. Maybe because I, or at least try to be, so open-minded right now. Even the most unlikely person has something to offer the world and I want to know what it is. I don't want to miss out in anything. I feel like I missed out on so much while growing up. I was always surrounded by the smae people who grew up in simular environments and experienced simular things. Although individually there are all different, they can be generalized. Caucasian, usually dutch or italian catholics, hockey/soccer players who love what they have gotten out of life. These people will happily settle in their home town so that they can be close to family and childhood friends. It is so exciting for me to meet people that don't fall under this category and see how their upbringing or culture changes so many things in their lives. Things that I would expect to be normal are completely radical suggestions to others. I love surprises, when you respond to statements with, 'are you serious?' or ''that's incredible!' These are the best kinds of conversations. It makes me wonder if I'll be happy with one person for the rest of my life, or will I always be craving this independence. The freedom to allow relationships to develop at any rate. To allow fate to lead you to other people. Is this because I'm in my twenties and natuarlly want to experience everything while I still have the opportunity? In the end, is it possible to have both?

I had a great time tonight. Much bette rthan going to the gay bar lim,e last wekkend. I went home alone..... good girl, and now I'm going ot pass out but don't want to be hungover, what shoudl I eat I dnly have very hearlythy food. Oh well........ Drink a Unsuspecting Small Town Establishment Dry, (DUSTED) good times. I love engineering.,

I'm applying for jobs and scholarships again. I dont' think that I ever come across more morally challenging. I'm a take it or leave it kind of person. The information you aquire from me is the way it is. I don't sugar coat. Not because I have a harsh personality, just because I find it unethical to lead people on. This is exactly what my peers are trying to get me to do by writing a 'better' cover letter. Do I give in the the politics that surround my life, or be true to myself and remain forever unrewarded and unemployed. My options are thin.

What learnt tonihgt:
How to tell a lesbian at a gay bar that you're staright - you don't
how to get drugs - you ask the bartender
how to aquire a rose - talk to a middle-aged woman
how to meet someone - go to the washroom

I try to be open minded, but sometimes it's just too much

I love living by myself and having time to kill. I can't wait till summer.

3:27 Update: I take it back I'm lonely.

When I first got back from school I was getting into a very good night routine. Washing my face, brushing and flossing my teeth, removing my mascara, going pee before I laid in bed unable to sleep because I had to pee. This responsiblity was very successful, for three days. Not ever consecutive ones. My hygiene sucks. My present top priority is, hypocritically, sleep. I love it.

Other people have these things called feelings
Other people have these things called feelings
Other people have these things called feelings
Other people have these things called feelings
Other people have these things called feelings

Shit, I'm going to forget again.

For the past five days I have been surrounded by people twenty-four hours a day. I was on a 'ski trip' in collingwood were I stayed up until six and seven in the morning, drinking, and then passing out in a common bed, couch, or floor. There was not a waking minute when I was in a room by myself except the precious 5-10 minutes I could steal away for a shower. Now I'm home in London, by myself. It's painful I'm not sure exactly why. I've lived this way for the past 4 months you would think that I could handle it. I just want to be in a roomful of people that I know, but don't want to have to talk. I'm exhausted but I don't want to sleep, it's like I'm waiting for something. But I know nothing is going to happen. I'm missing something.