Things have been going well for me. My move out west has been wildly successful to date. I tried out for a competitive level ringette team and couldn't be happier. I play frisbee twice a week, and make new friends all the time. I am having a little bit of trouble adjusting to my new lifestyle. Going from a lethargic student style life to something so extreme. I really need to watch my consumption of complex carbohydrates, something I had almost phased out of my diet. Yesterday I felt like crap, ate and entire bag on 'breast cancer m&ms" and felt like a million dollers. I have to remind myself that I'm an athlete. I also have to remind myself that I'm most likely a celiac. It's not something that I am sure of, since I haven't had a doctor confirm it. However I am sure when I eat grains my throat swells, and I get very tired. It used to be a bloated stomach and increased heart rate. I would prefereably like to ignore the allergy, but the restricted breathing makes me a little concerned.

i need to figure out a way to remind myself about how happy I am. Whenever I'm happy I like to share it with someone, this seems reasonable however for me it's pretty much necessary. Whenever I don't have someone I use the blog to share. I like the idea that someone, whether I know them or not, is reading it. I need to figure out how to make myself happy, and be happy without letting others know. I need to be able to live for myself, worry about my own feelings, do what makes me happy. I know I will be successful, its just a matter of discovering the method.

When I first moved out to Calgary I was in the Northwest. All the action is downtown. I was staying with a middle-aged couple who took me to the mountains all weekend. This made it difficult to make new friends. My first friend was a guy from work. He's was really nice at first, but in general is not a consistent friend. I still hang out with him quite often because he introduced to me to another nice guy. My second friend and I would eat lunch together in the park, have dinner together, and have a good time. At this time I was dating Curtis and everything between the two of us was wonderful. Things went bad between Curtis and I, as a result my second friend confessed his feelings for me.
This was very dissapointing. I really enjoyed hanging out with him and discovering he was being so nice only to date me was upsetting. I let him know that I wasn't interested but admire his honesty. Ever since then we have been friends, but on occasion he says really hurtful things to me. Today was one of those days. It really bothers me.

I just want to be loved and appreciated for who I am. Trusted to make my own decisions and free to persue my dreams.

If I don't know what I want, how can I be expected to make a decision?