My brother and I are fighting frequently now because I use all his gas, no that we are sharing MY k-car. Seriously though, if he has enough cash to buy a new cd every week, I dont' think that I should have to pay for the lst few drops of gas that I may use for the next two days considering the money that I spend on gas is taken from my food-fund for the next 8 months. And he's a terrible driver, he complains that I use all the gas with my fast accelerating and enourmous speeds, while he slams the breaks, while turning corners. ANd now just before he went to bed he was like "fuck-you" that seriously REALLY hurt my feelings. He just doens't appreciate all the times that I drove him into forest to do whatever. That was MY gas money... sometimes. some people just don't think about anyone besides themselves, ever.

Last night my *friends* friends were all going to the local pub thingy for a last hurrah. My *friend* politely invited me, probably because it means that I get to spend one more night with him, and some of them were my friends too. We didnt' think that you needed to be 19 to get in.. but apparently you do, after nine, only on wednesdays. Out of all the days of the week it HAD to be wednesday. I felt incredably guilty because this meant that my friend and I had to leave, and he didn't say goodbye to his friends. I offered to just leave and someone would give him a ride home, but he refused. It scared me when people are willing to give up a goodtime with friends to cushion a misfourtune of another.

I went to western today and bought the three books that I needed. And my mom paid for them, and then my mom brother and I went shopping and my mom paid for that, and then when we got home she gave me MORE money. I had loaned her money, which turned out to be $5 less of the amount that my books cost, so we were even. And then she just throws waay more money at me and says have fun. On top of that she bought me another school bag and a frying pan! this women is so generous. I have me terrible horid non-loving grandparents to thank for this. We were over there the other day and my mom (who also went to western) was trying to explain where my residence was, told my grandparents that it is right across the building where she used to work when she was in school. AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHERE IT WAS! seriously. My grandpa knew, but that's because he's a sweetheart, mom grandma is such a selfish ass, she didnt' even know where it was. She's your daughter for christ's sake, don't you care? So anyways. Because of this experience my mom is trying to make this transition as easy as possible.

I was driving home today in MY k-car, and my brother had been driving in it last, so I had to change the radio station. HE CHANGED THE PRE-SETS! seriously.. how many more things can they deprive me off? First they kick me out of my room, then take away my car AND my sister. Seriously, I'm going to go pack my dishes before they find a use for those too.

Today I promised my sister that I would be home to take her phone home from IMC. I wasn't. I wanted to talk to her sooo bad, I want to know if she's having a good time and who she's met and everything. I miss her sooo much.. What to do next week? I'm not sure. Last night I was out until 3am.. and I saw three shooting starts. Which reminds me that there are always a ton of shooting starts in August because of where the earth is in the orbit during the summer season it goes through this thingy. Well anyways every year our family used to go out on the back porch on the *busiest* night and watch all the shooting starts. We haven't done that in a couple of years. Which is too bad 'cause it's gorgeous.

So Today my family went up to Mount Elgin for the "Huron Cove Classic" which is a family golf tournament named after this pathetic retaurant in Forest. Traditionally the tournament is played in forest, but the women want to break all the traditions and stupid rules like "you gain a stroke for every inch your shorts are too short" So this year the game was at my Uncle's course in Mount Elgin. I had soccer this afternoon (we won and I scored the winning goal) so my mom and I just went down for the dinner after, and my brothers and dad had driven up separately earlier. After dinner my parents left very early to take home my Oma, about half an hour later my brothers and I decided to take off because Carson worked the next day early. So we head out to the car, and CArson was going to drive and he says
"Anna, where are the keys?" (We always just leave them in the iginition)
"Holy shit"
"what?"
"umm.. in the right pocket of mom's shorts."
"are you seroius?"
"yes"
so we went back into the house and calmly informed our family about the situation, which they found to be quite entertaining. So since we were all the way in Mount Elgin, which is near tilsonburg, there was really nothing we could do, it's about 1.3 hours from home. My aunt offered us a ride, but then the car is still there, and we NEED four vehicles in our house. So we had to wait for my parents to get to Oma's so that they could drive back and give us the keys. instead of getting home at 8 we got home at 10 30. I am tired. I got next to no sleep last night and am exhausted from being up so late. I would take more time and make this a better blog.. I am too tired. goodnight.

My sister called from camp today and I was sooooo sad. Apparently she's already met Jen, and is rooming with ther sister Nina.. It is just terribly sad for me.

So my sister comes into the computer room eating a cheese slice. She offered me some and I thought that she was just being generous so I accepted. After eating a bite I almost puked and cried "That's disgusting!" my sister laughed and left the room to grab me a glass of water. She returned with orange juice (she thought that it would wash it down better) and informed me that she thought that the cheeseslice tasted funny but wasnt' sure so she thought that she'd offer me some to make sure that it actually tasted like crap. Seriously though! how old do you have to be to realise when something doens't taste good?

So today I randomly decided to check kev's site!! and he's back!! all of a sudden I feel different. seriously though It's amazing what a large effect one person can have on another's life.

So I now officially have 6 days left of work. These are going to be the most terrible days ever. I have become such a slacker in the past two days, jobs taking me much longer than they should, I'm just not ambitious about my job anymore. I'm not worried about making sunripe a better place, just getting the work done and trying to pull off at least a 35 min break oppose to the permitted 30 min. It's terrible. I have decided for my last day I am going to take a 55 min break.. since I have to wash dishes that day (a sucky job that I get when the sicko dish-man takes his vacation)

For some reason I thought that today would be different, I thought that the world was going to be different then yesterday. But it wasn't, silly society over-rating everything.

So I was babysitting today. And while I was making lunch there was that annoying hum coming from the computer in the next room, So I went over to shut it off and the internet windows were open. I dont' know what drove it to me but I clicked to the arrow that reveals previously visited web sites. I was not impressed. These are grown adults.. abusing the internet for immoral purposes. sick sick sick.. it's me verses the world.

Today Mavis came over. Mavis left for australia for a year. And I think that I have written abotu her before (and how much I hate her friends) but she came over today. I have seen her twice since she got home almost two months ago, I didn't really care for her company. But her family came over for dinner tonight and we watched "THE EMPEROR'S NEW GROVE" together 'cause she's never seen it before. Although Mavis and I have little to talk about as far a small talk goes, I trust her completely and feel absolutely comfortable around her. I'm closer to her than with my brother's for sure. And I'm able to tell her more things than my sister because she's closer in age and understands what I'm going through, and I can tell her EVERYTHING because she's not directly involved in my relationships. She's sorta like the girls from work, except I trust her waaay more, and never ever lie to her.
Before tonight I was bitter about Mavis because of the first experience when she came home. Today I realised how special the relationship we have, and had before she left. hopefully we wont' lose touch again.

I had the most exciting weekend of my life.... well at least the most exciting saturday ever. My soccer team was in third place and defeated both the 2nd and 1st place teams in real nail biters to claim the championship. It's great. I was/am on the biggest wining streak ever, not only did my team win their games (to which I made a great contribution) I also beat a very established video game geek in the game of "LIFE" I am winnign the competition 3-2.. soon only to make the gap larger.

Today I had a fat day. seriously. Everyone has these days, I'm sure of it, because my toothpick of a little sister told me that she also has these days. But today it really bothered me. I feel like 2-3 pounds heavier than my usual weight. Like I have a giant spare tire belly noticably tugging on my shirt. that is my biggest fear at university. gaining weight. any weight.. if I gain more than 7 pounds I don't know what I'll do with myself. I woudln't be able to get dressed AND feel good. Which leads to my next fear.. and eating disorder. I woudln't be surprised if I develop one. I constantly contemplate, (and occasionally) get rid of my excessive meals. Or I'll just skip some.. not too bad for skipping though since I work in a grocery store. But that doesn't matter.. anyways.. I think that I'll be able to stay on the healthy hourse for the sake of my grades. As far as priorities go, school is more important than my appearence. But seriously.

The problem with having authority is that when something goes wrong you are the first/easiest one to be blamed... terrible. two more weeks of work.

So someone sent me and e-card but it won't let me look at it for one of four reasons. That upsets me.

So recently I've been hanging out with this one friend a bunch. Sometimes later than I should be, and I miss out on a bunch of sleep. But when I do go home and sleep it's the deepest sleep ever 'cause I'm just so tired and content. So do you think that quality hours of sleep is better than about twice as much crappy sleep?

Doesn't everyone have a certain amount of sleep time so that when they wake up they just feel refreshed? because when I sleep 8 hours I feel groggy, but when I sleep 6.5 I feel great. hop out of bed and maybe even do my hair after I shower. And sometimes I even wake up before my alarm clock shorty after 6-7 hours of sleep. Not a startling sort of waking up, but a voluntary morning groan, slowly open your eyes while rolling over sort of wake up. That would be wonderful if I only needed that much sleep, it will make next month so much more enjoyable.

My sister gave my cat a bath today. Wet cats are soo cute. They just lie in the blanket defenseless after involuntary being submerged into luke-warm water. They have nothing left to fight for. And then they make a cute little effortless meow knowing that everything is out of their paws. And it's soo cute how the tail looks all ragged and you realise how skinny (or fat) your cat actually is. You just wrap him up in a towel and cuddle for a while, I'm a sucker for vunerable cats.... and people. There is nothing more adorable then somone who trusts you completely.

So today my mother informs me that she wants me home every minute that I'm not working for the next two weeks. This imformation did not go voer well with me because I have big plans two weeks from now and did not appreciate the importance that she gaev her company. With my little brother going for his driver's test on thursday morning, it looks like it's going to be a bumpy next three weeks unless my mother cracks on her *authority*

So I just heard from an *old friend*, well at least he feels like one. And in full knowledge that he'll probably read this I'm going to shoot my mouth of anyways.

But before I get into depleting my pride (which I have been doing frequently and find quite healthy)...... I went to Dave Matthews tonight. It was a good show, he played watchtower so I can't complain about the content. He just seemed to drag everything on, which is usually what I adore in DMB, their musical talent and ability to perform their songs differently than the cd version, I respect them for that. Not today. Don't get me wrong I still enjoyed myself, but not to the fullest. But you know when you have that feeling that your waiting to go somewhere or you are anticipating something better to come? Frankly that's how I felt, but what I was really anticipating was more Dave. For a roadie such as the owner of CD source Rich Bouchard (ilrelevant) who attends many dave shows, would love to hear the extreamly extended versions of songs. But an individual like myself, who rarely attends Dave shows (my first, leah's second) I just wanted to hear more material. What would have I done to hear the live version of typical situation actually live? anything, seriously you want my kidney? take it. But I will settle with what Dave chose to share with us tonight.

it's funny how you can care for someone sooo much, pure *love* almost, but have stronger feelings for another. Recently at work I've been talking to these ladies that don't believe in coincidence, only fate. Everything happens for a reason, and you learn something from everyone. From the couple that was walking down younge this afternoon but seemed to be moving faster than we were, to Tara dunn. (my bestest friend) everyone makes an impact, and that's why were are individuals. And those who are meant to be close to us we are brought to. They are not going to come up to you and introduce themselves (always) but they will be there, and if you make the effort contact can be made..... Like with Kevan, if only I had got off my lazy/proud ass and tried to contact him before the concert and would have been able to talk to him before he leaves my life completly, (although I am hoping otherwise) grrrrr.. that angers me. But dwelling on the past just makes for unpleasent people. and with the *abundant* amount of sleep I've been getting I'm already *good company* if you like it when people fall asleep in your lap. But anyways, it's late and I'm tired.

So this morning I decided to clean up the kitchen counter because my older brother had made a DISASTER out of it. It was so digusting, and my kitchen wreeked of salmon. I would rather be smelling my cat's ass than having to put up with the intense salmon stink. So anyways I cleaned up the abundance of ceral bowls, with the spoon stuck in them using the dried up milk as an adhesive. sick sick sick. then while I was piviting from the dishwasher to the table I stepped int somethign moist...... Crunchy penut butter that carson had been using. gross. SO then my litte brother called and asked if I would pick him up and he would take me out for breakfast.. but that's irrelevant. SO anyways. My brother came home this afternoon
"Carson did you eat ALL the sandwich meat?" (because I wanted some protien before soccer)
"No.. they left like nothing, there's salmon if you like"
"Carson how many cans of salmon did you eat today?"
"just one"
"then how come I found two on the table?"
"one might have been from yesterday"

he's 20 cant' he simply put it in the blue nox

So this morning I decided to clean up the kitchen counter because my older brother had made a DISASTER out of it. It was so digusting, and my kitchen wreeked of salmon. I would rather be smelling my cat's ass than having to put up with the intense salmon stink. So anyways I cleaned up the abundance of ceral bowls, with the spoon stuck in them using the dried up milk as an adhesive. sick sick sick. SO then my litte brother called and asked if I would pick him up and he would take me out for breakfast.. but that's irrelevant. SO anyways. My brother came home this afternoon
"Carson did you eat ALL the sandwich meat?" (because I wanted some protien before soccer)
"No.. they left like nothing, there's salmon if you like"
"Carson how many cans of salmon did you eat today?"
"just one"
"then how come I found two on the table?"
"one might have been from yesterday"

SO I now realsied that I have to update my archives after every post.. meh, better than no archives

So recently I have become very close to this woman at work. She is ten years older than I am, married her highschool sweetheart and is just now starting a family. I didnt' work with her last summer because she was on maturnity leave. So recently I have become the subject of conversation in the morning and the girls eagerly awaite the small tidbits that I will share about the prevoius nights experiences. So it began that Jen became my *sexual mentor* which is very nice. I dont' have a big sister and because of the situation can't talk to my best friend about it, and I doubt that she would know anyways. SO Jen (the girl from work) and I became close and started to share things about eachother and why I am as confusing as I am. Seriously when it comes to the opposite sex I have some pretty messed up feelings. But anyways as we began to analyse me she shared her details about the depression that she is going through. She is feeling better because she is on medication, but still she and I talked about it, the signs and effects and so on.. I think that in march I had mild depression. Something that I had blamed on my energy/iron levels, looking back, the things that Jen was telling me related nicely to my life then. I blogged on another page that I had started after too many people started to read mine and I just though that I'd share it with you. Why? well because I worry about my readers. I ignored my problem, and was serious about taking my own life. VERY serious, it was worse than mentioned there. I would go to take tylonal for a headache and fill my hand with the pills and shove them all in my mouth, then spit them out in a panic. (And I put them back in the jar,,.....yuck, obviously I wasn't feeling well) or I was at work once and intentionally burnt myself on the heat wrapper when no one was around. But for those of you going through this, IT IS TEMPORARY. hang in there, and see your doctor. It is only your body adjusting to a major change or something else in your life, a chemical imbalance. And if your doctor is a moron like mine is, Hang in there. So I shared these things with Jen today and I felt a lot better. I am scared for school becasue it is such a big deal that it might happen again. She told me that I could call her any time if I was having trouble.

I wish everyone had someone like Jen Chute.

So I changed my template... because I haven't even tried in ages and had now idea about the options.. and the good news IT RECOVERED MY ARCHIVES!!!!! so great. now if only I knew how to change the margins.. I've been playing with the numbers, but it has had little effect..... I wish I took computers in highschool, silly life-determining courses getting in the way of liesure.

So obviously I had a crazy weekend because I definately do not work for the government and therefore work on the weekends. I didn't sleep much at all, and if it weren't for afternoon naps I don't think that I would still be standing. Seroiusly though I am unable to watch a movie, or spend an afternoon at bill's, without falling asleep. My brain is just fired though, and my eyes are unable to focus as well. I'm getting a good nights sleep tonight, but I don't think that It'll be enough. meh. I have 3 more weeks to recover.

Dave Matthews, 3 days. so pumped.

VICTORY!

It's the 4th... where is jen?

So somehow everything on my computer shrank. I can barely see the *flashing* icon for my icq messages, seriously I'm not kidding, it is a speck, and about the size of a large sugar grain.. you know those extra large ones? it's incredable.

It's always nice to see a new/frequent blogger inspired by someone you inspired. It seems quality to me. I may just be hugely attracted to that font. Blogs in that font automatically attract my attention. We'll see

So my brother's freind owns almost all the bond movies, maybe all of them, and recently he's been bringing them home to watch. I've seen about 4 but johnny has had about 8 or 9 here. I only really like the sean connery ones. and I don't mind roger moore, but he's just not as attractive. But really, watching these movies make austin powers so much funnier. I do not think that there is a single detail about Dr. Evil that isn't a parody of one of the bond films. It leaves them with no credit for situation creativity, but at the same time it credits them because they are so restricted.

I think that they should have used the *massaging chair* in THUNDERBALL in one of the austin scenes.. it would have been quite entertaining.

Just recently I realised that you don't have to like everything about your friends. All throughout life I *hated* a number of people and had a hard time having consistent friends, besides my best friend (who, as you know, I am no longer friends with). I think he back stabbing has caused me to become a better person. I am able to enjoy the company of people who have different views and values in life. Understanding that everyone is an individual and you are not completely compatible with everyone. In fact you are abosolutely compatible with very few people. I am lucky enough to have a best friend whom I get along quite nicely with and allows me to appreciate true friendship, and there are people in my life that make me wish I sat at home and ran my life through the internet. But just because we are different does not mean they are bad company.

When I started working at sunripe 2 years ago they hired a really snotty stuck up brat at the same time as me. We definately didn't get along. Not until recent events I have been able to stomach her selfish stuck-up, kiss-my-feet attitude and enjoy her aggressive male seeking personality, which is quite simular from my own. In fact we are hanging out tonight. We'll see how that goes.