I just accepted a dinner date.. I don't like dinner and I don't like dating.. monday is not going to be fun

I have a day off tomorrow. I find this to be such a big deal. Working at sunripe in the summer really makes me feel like on of the lifers (people that are going to work there for the rest of their life to support their family) I am amused by the simple things in life, like two days off in a row, or getting time and a half for a holiday. Even though I feel like one of them when I'm working I can't help but to feel sorry for them when I leave. They work hard hours, up to eight at night, for not even $10/hr. and I am leaving for school to be an engineer, I just feel guilty. Some people hate me for it, and others are excited for me, and it's obvious who's who. It makes it difficault to relate to them, because they feel that I will change as a person if I make it through school. hopefully I won't. Hopefully I won't dvelop the engineering attitude, "We don't give a damn for anyone who doesn't give a damn for us" sort of deal. I think that I'm mature enough to stay the way I am, eventhough I am easily influenced.

Today at work I had this very super important job to do a work interview for the possible employee. This made my fellow employees extreamly pissed off, because I have only worked there for 2 years and everyone else has been there for at LEAST 7 years. So I was in work at seven, training this girl, and she made a few mistakes, put a couple loaves of bread in the wrong spot, no big deal, there are all going to sell anyways. THIS IS NOT BIG DEAL. unfortunately my co worker didn't feel the same way. So she spent at leat half an hour fixing the meaningless mistakes, and she got herself all pissed off over it and woudln't talk to me all day.... and she's 26. Some people just don't know how to put things into perspective.

and my sister lies, I am not 19, I'm 18.5

So I'm trying to make these blogs as frequent as possible.

Last night I had sooo many nightmares.. the worst one? I woke up crying after I realised that I'm NOT going back to IMC.

So after my friend got home there was a party at her beach for the exchange student they are housing, and then she was going to stop in at her friends house for a bit because the was a communication conflict and there was a party there for her. I got to the cottage planning on staying for the exchange student. Mavis was just leaving for the other party and was like "do you wan tto come?"
"no I should stay here with Geraldine"
"oh dont' worry we won't be long" (there wasn't anyone there yet so I figured and had an hour to spare)
"are you sure? because I don't want to go there and it just be your close friends"
"no no no, dont' worry you should come"
"are you sure?" (I didn't believe her I was looking for an excuse not to go)
"YES come we're leaving, we'll just be a minute."

So I went. I went to elementary school with one of her friends and played soccer with some others and I don't really care much for them but I thought that I would stick it out. SO I got there and it was exactly what I expected at first. All her close friends, they all said their hellos and such, and then they started a fire in the back yard and everyone went there.... just like all the other summer parties. As the party continued I was shocked. It was horrible. I realised why only her close friends were there, because they think that they are too good to have *commoners* at their party. SO apparently I was very privilaged to be there. These people are the most *popular* kids at NLSS. These are also kids that I will do anything to avoid hanging out with them ever again, even if it means not hanging out with Mavis for a while. I have known Mavis since they day she was born (I was six days old at the time) and these people are enough for me to give up that bond, just for the night though.

They are pathetic. They sat around the fire, like two people had a conversation and everyone else listened. And you are afraid to carry on a conversation because people will be listening to you, and you *might* say the wrong thing. It was painful for me to sit there and listen to these people they make me sick, never in my life have I been exposed to more selfish, snotty, stupid people, in my life. And ironically this is the country school, and I go to the city school, and my school is supposed to be the snotty one. But I haven't seen people interact the way they do since elementary school. I seriously wish that I could get a few minutes with the *leader* of the group (a real big jack ass that thinks he's funny) and tell him exactly what's going on, and people would NOT give their left leg to be friends with him, and in fact everyone that he isn't friends with wished that he would be hit by a brick dropped from a tenth story apartment. I know this because since sunday I have talked to two other people that go to that school and they both came up with that answer.

I don't think that he understand that in university no one will know who he is or whether he was popular in highschool, and they won't care, they'll like him for the person that he is, but unfortunately he's a surface person, ie. he has no substance, or depth, and can not carry on a conversation, let alone a intellegent conversation, without bringing up at least two synanmons for the female genitals. sick.

wow it feels good to get that off my chest. It would feel better if the kids at that party on sunday read this. and realise that I was not excited, but furious that I spent three hours at one of their *exclusive* parties.

So I've had a buzy weekend. oh, and I was in toronto on saturday. Not actually in Toronto because we were only at the Pearson to lpick up my friend that was in Austrailia for a year. And we went to Toronto in a Limo, and then we drank wine on the way home, good wine. That was the fourth time I drank in almost a year, and apparently that isn't enough and my friends say that they are going to build up my tolerence this summer so that I can handle my frosh week, apparently they are extra hard on the engineers.

In order to blog you need to have access to the computer, in order to have access to the computer you have to be home when your not dragging your ass upstairs hoping that you won't fall asleep before you get in to bed.

So now that it's after the 13 people think that it's okay to ask you where you are going to school.. and I guess that it is. But what I hate the most is when people find out what I'm going into and say "wow, you're a real harder worker, you'll do well there," or "yeah, you're really smart, don't worry, you'll have no problem." I hate that. These people know nothing about me. Sure I might *seem* like the type that completes their homework and acheives outstanding marks, but I am not. I am frightened enough about school, now I have all this other pressure from my family, friends, peers, and co-workers, especially co-workers. They are like my aunts and uncles there, they almost mean more to me because I see them more often. This may sound bizarre, but it's only 'cause my dad comes from a large family, and my mom from a disfunctional one, so we avoid contact, with both sides. I just wish everyone would say "good luck, and do your best" then if I do not succeed it won't be that big of a deal. But someone has to pass right?

my attempt to retrieve my archives did not go so well. I will try again later. or at least try to fix what I did

So today I got home after my last exam and my sister and I decided to celebrate. We didn't have any bread or buns ('cause we were going to celebrate with sandwiches) so we decided to go check out the new grocery store (grand opening yesterday), just to buy buns. We ended up wandering around the entire store, jaws open. It is gorgeous, it's an IGA garden market, before it was a Knechtals.. anways.. we ended up buying pizza and on the way home we noticed that it had a Bar-B-Q sticker on it. I was like "holy poo, that's crazy" SO my sister and I decided to Bar-B-Q our pizza. Unfortunatley I followed the oven directions for the bar-b-q and never put in on tinfoil, it was a very *toasty* pizza, oh well at least the broccoli cheese soup was good.

I so agree with Jen, although I am burndened with Dec 27, it's tough.

And today I recieved pictures from the yearbook committe. They are actually pictures of my best friend and I that she had submitted for this years, and the pictures of us that were in last year's yearbook. We are no longer friends, sometimes she pretends to be nice to me. But the ironic part is that she and I aren't friends anymore 'cause recently (march) she decided that she wanted to be popular and I was dragging her down because of my care free attittude about the whole situation (ie. I wasn't about to kiss someone's ass so that I can pretend that they are my friend and we can all go out drinking on the weekend) SO, now that she is *popular* she can leave highschool feeling like she accomplished something. However, the girl from the yearbook class gave me the picture and said "There is someone else's name on the back but no one in our class knew who she was " and I didn't have to sacrifice my dignity to be where I am now, in fact I didn't even make an effort. Of course you're probably thinking "Anna, I hate to break it to you, but these kids took the yearbook course" but seriously, the fact of the matter is, who does she think she is, even if popularity mattered, it is not a measure of who you are friends with, it's how many friends you have. REAL friends, not people that *like* you because you offer to be DD every weekend 'cause your not sure whether they would invite you to go to the bar if you weren't. Personally I don't think that our friendship was worth it.

Today's studying didn't work out too well, my sister and I ended up writing notes across the beds (in her room , she has two, but next week one of them is going to be mine.. I'm moving out of my room) and watched Titanic. Poor time managment, but it doesn't matter, exams this semester aren't terribly difficault

oh gezus, I feel terrible. I usually blog often. I haven't been home till now. Actually I have, but during those periods of time I was either dragging my FTB from the car to bed, or from the bed to the car. I also usually study for exams. Good luck to me next week hey.

school dance tonight. trouble. I got myself caught in awkward situations, that were going to happen eventually, but the final outsome.. gr 12 boys can kiss my ass 'cause that is the only way they're going to get near it!!!!

iggy and I were talking at work.. he says

"I was a loser in highschool, not till university was I popular. There were like 'Hey this guy is funn'"
"I don't think you're funny"
"do you want to hear something funny"
"sure"
"I have crush on this girl, actually it's not funny becuase I really like her"
"oh."
"and you know who she is"
"oh.. do I"
"and you'll laugh when you find otu who it is"
"oh. will I"
" and she works here"
"hmm"
"what do you think"
"you're not supposed to date people at work"
"that's not true, I want to take her out on a romantic dinner"
"oh.. I have to work now"
how do I deal with this?

so I informed my mom of my surprising weight.. the conversation went something like this
"ooo... you should loose about ten pounds"
"from where? I could have my liver removed"
"no.. you could loose a bit"
"from where mom? I'll wither away"
"your bum Anna"
"are you for serious? my bum is not 10lbs"
"Anna, you have a big bum"

Can you believe that? 'cuase I sure can't

SO my sister got her hair cut, THE SAME LENGTH AS MINE!! which isn't really that short....it's down to my arm pits. But her's used to be beyond boob length.. so she really got a significant amount cut off.... it's a big deal.. oh right.. and I was talking to a friend about weight and I didn't know how much I weight 'casue I dont' weigh myself, and he guessed me to be 125.. which is a decent guess.. 130 *might* have been omre accurate... neither of these are close to the truth.. I am definately 151 lbs. but I am a size 7.. this doesn't make any sense.... but then you take in consideration of all the raw muscle that makes up my body and it all falls together.

this guy at work clearing had the hugest crush on me. I'm not sure how to handle it.. he's realyl nice, but 22 and has some other strings., including that I have no intentions of starting a real relationship right now. and he is.

so we got our yearbooks today and this girl.. a fellow OA was like "this kid I didn't even know came up to me and was like, 'can you sign my yearbook?' and I was like, who are you" I was sickened by this. how does she not know that he/she hasn't been admiring her the entire year plotting every day how he/she was going to ask Courtney to sign his/her yearbook. For all Courtney knows she could be his/her dream girl/idol and she just ruined their hopes by being the snotty person that she is, and doesn't even know it. And she has the nerve to call me rude.

I was home and awake for a total of 70 in yesterday... and 35 min today...

I have to do something about these horomones before they get me into huge trouble. Fortunatly my morals and loyalty proved to be stronger than phsyical attraction to the opposite sex

you know what they say about you're only as old as you feel? it is sooo true.. I am completely 15

reading other people's blogs is comforting. I often forget to listen, I thought I was selfish, no just a buzy person with a lot on my mind and sometimes don't notice that I should direct my attention to the person talking to me.

Silly me what was I thinking. I don't want to go to a super big school in an unbelievably undiscovered city. I would spend half my time staring at the buildings and bumping into poeple (of many various cultures) it would just be too much excitement to go to class. Who was I kidding.. I am so supposed to be a Western girl, but fate doesn't seem to think so. I'll show him.

So I was home alone, just sent my brother off to the formal with his g/f and comforted my friend 'cause her boyfriend broke up with her, again. I just wrote a, what I thought to be, a pretty darn good body paragraph for my essay when the phone rings. I was so excited 'cause I thought it was my parents and sister telling me when they were getting home. No it was UofT. A representatvie for chemical engineering. Last night I was so pumped about going to Western and was sure that I was making the right decision, then this fool calls up my house and tells me that last year no one failed their program, but 3 people were on probation at christmas. Then he proceeds to tell me how he is looking forward to seeing me at this meeting thing or other on thursday, which is supposed to be the day of our school concert, which most likely will be cancelled, so I told my boss I could work. I SO WANT TO LIVE IN TORONTO!!!!!! I am so completely confused. It's like I had my life set up like one of those houses that you can bulid out of playing cards, and then this phone call is like the breeze that knocked it all down! I can not handle this I am going to cry. Or maybe I'll go take a cold shower and write more about my irish playwright. Either way I was a whole lot more confident about my future 15 min ago.

I got Wat last night. I only applied to one program there.. but I got acceptanced for two.. meh.. but anyways my mom, our neighbour, the exchange student from belgium that they're housing, and myself went to see barrage tonight because it was a kick-off benefit concert for the miracle child network telethon tomorrow for London sick kids hospital, and the neighbour lady is a pediatrition there. (yes I can not spell). It was a good time. And we ate supper in downtown london at TJ's, and we passed a frat house. I am so unbelievably excited and increadably terrified for september. Apparently Western has the best looking girls in North America second to a school in Carolina er somewhere in the states. I've got to make an effort in order to meet some frat boys, purely for entertainment, I am going to school to learn, for serious.